If your site's sick, slow, or invisible to Google, you need a proper diagnosis — not a motivational quote.
Think your SEO is fine? Googlebot disagrees.
If your site has:
Your server is having a meltdown
Like a maze with dead ends
Google thinks you're a copycat
Hiding your content from Google
Older than some of your users
…it's basically coughing blood.
No orphan pages left behind
Because Google has feelings too
Stop blocking your own money pages 😩
Mobile-friendliness included
Crawl depth optimization
Even if it makes you cry
The underrated fixer
Scary PDFs included
💀 Bonus: I explain it all in human language.
"Client's site had 200+ soft 404s, broken breadcrumbs, and 3 conflicting canonical tags."
Fixed it. Rankings rose. Developer cried (tears of joy).
In the last 12 months alone
E-commerce, SaaS, blogs, and local SEO messes
Screaming Frog, GSC, Ahrefs, Sitebulb
I explain tech stuff without sounding like a robot
I don't just hand you a report — I help fix the damn thing.
With prioritized fixes
If you like memes
Or dev-ready docs
No ghosting
🎁 Optional: I roast your previous agency for free.
A: No. It's a curated, annotated, lovingly cursed document with real priorities.
A: I can help fix it, guide your dev, or recommend one who won't cry.
A: Yep. Unless you're allergic to sarcasm.
A: Depends on your site size. Small sites: 1-2 days. Enterprise nightmares: 1-2 weeks.
A: Absolutely. I speak both human and developer. Sometimes at the same time.
A: I'll tell you honestly. And then help you rebuild it properly.